


The Twelve Days of Peevesmas

by Yubsie



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack Pairing, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-30
Updated: 2012-12-30
Packaged: 2017-11-22 22:32:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/615087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yubsie/pseuds/Yubsie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peeves has a series of gifts for his true love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Twelve Days of Peevesmas

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for the Jedi Council forums House Cup competition.

It was a cold Saturday in December. Marietta was looking forward to spending a day free of classes curled up with a book and a cup of tea. As a real treat, it wasn’t even a textbook.

Her plans for a restful day free of NEWTs and other stresses collapsed when she found an uprooted tree in the common room. It was all she could do not to drop her tea. “ _What_ is going on?”

Luna picked something up off the ground and started munching on it. “It looks like a pear tree. They’re a sign of good things to come!”

"Not uprooted in the common room they aren't. How did it _get_ here?”

“A wizard did it?” Luna smiled as if that meant something Marietta didn’t understand.

Something rustled around in the leaves of the tree.

“Okay, now what is _that_?”

Luna moved in closer to investigate. “Oh, someone in the House must be very lucky! It’s a partridge! A partridge in a pear tree!”

***

Marietta did her best to put the tree out of her mind once Professor Flitwick removed it from the common room. She managed to salvage the rest of her peaceful day, and had no reason to expect what happened on Sunday morning.

The Common Room seemed like its usual self when she came down the stairs on her way to breakfast. No unexpected flora.

“Marietta, look out!” 

She assumed Luna must be warning her about Nargles or something equally strange, so she paid her no heed. As a reward, something flew right into her head, getting caught in her scarf.

“What _is_ that?” She could tell Cho was restraining her shriek.

Marietta untangled the creature with great efficiency in order to get it off _now_. “It looks like… a turtle with wings?”

“I have the other one!” Luna came over with a matching creature perched on her shoulder.

“TWO TURTLE DOVES FROM YOUR TRUE LOVE, MISS MARIETTA!” Peeves streaked through the room, a blur of colour, and was gone again.

***

Marietta was almost afraid to get up on the third day. But it was now Monday, so she didn’t have a choice in the matter. She opened her eyes and was greeted with the sight of Peeves hovering above her bed holding a tray of… something.

“Peeves! Get out of here!”

“But Miss Marietta, I need to give you your SPECIAL BREAKFAST!” He thrust the tray at her. 

It appeared to mostly be orange goo, but she poked at it anyway. She’d learned the hard way what came of hurting Peeves’ feelings. “Is this chicken… with salad dressing?”

“FRENCH DRESSING! THREE FRENCH HENS!” He flew off laughing. At least he’d listened eventually. That pleased her, but not enough for her to eat his gift.

***

On the fourth day, Peeves wasn’t there, but she could already hear his involvement. Such a terrible cry to wake up to first thing in the morning. She hurried down to the common room to deal with the situation before the rest of Ravenclaw decided to throw her out of the tower for having such an irritating admirer.

Sure enough, there were four birds perched on the bookshelves, giving off sorrowful calls. Marietta sighed. Leave it to Peeves to drag Auguries to Hogwarts. She needed to get them out before Professor Trewlawney took it as a reason to start predicting further death and destruction on the school.

Though on the other hand… maybe it would be better to send the four calling birds to the Gryffindor common room.

***

On Wednesday morning, Marietta was woken up at an absurdly early hour. She still had at least an hour to sleep before she had to be up for breakfast and classes, but the loud crashing sounds made it an impossibility.

She stumbled around, seeking out the source of the commotion. Hanging from the ceiling were five battered, gold coloured bells. Marietta pulled out her wand and attempted to stop them from clanging.

Cho rubbed her eyes and asked, “What is that blasted ringing?”

Marietta groaned. “Ringing. Five golden rings.”

***

The sixth day was just plain gruesome. No one wanted to come down to the common room and find six dead geese a laying there.

***

Marietta spent the entire seventh day on edge. She made it out of her room and down to the common room without coming across any gifts from Peeves. There wasn’t anything waiting for her at breakfast. Nothing disrupted any of her classes. She decided she liked being rudely awakened better than having the threat of a gift hanging over her the entire day.

She was actually starting to think he might have forgotten about his little game when she headed off to take a bath. There in the bathtub she found seven swans from the squid’s lake a swimming. Best get them out and scourgify the bathtubs before the other girls saw.

***

The next day, Peeves was back to his old trick of delivering her present in the morning. She opened her eyes and was greeted with the sight of eight female house elves holding pitchers. They each poured her a glass of milk.

“Witches should drink lots of MILK to avoid OsTeOpOrOsIs!!!!!!!!”

Marietta forced a smile and took a sip. “Thank you for your concern for my health Peeves.”

Encouraging him probably wasn’t a particularly good idea, but at least this gift was harmless.

***

On the ninth day, Marietta’s housemates were ready to kill her as soon as they finished getting dressed. As soon as the nine nearest girls put on their shoes, they began to dance uncontrollably. Cho was vaulting in the room in graceful ballet maneuvers. Padma launched into a two-step along the wall, while Su Li seemed compelled to stepdance without moving her arms. Mandy Brocklehurst was doing a dance called the Macarena that was apparently all the rage among Muggles. Lisa Turpin was waltzing with an invisible partner. Little Orla Quirke was doomed to the hokey pokey. Cho’s friend Bridget was doing some sort of line dance, and Luna…

“It’s the Electric Sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide!”

Seeing as Luna was the only dancer who seemed to be enjoying herself, Marietta hurried to get Flitwick’s help in removing the enchantment from their shoes.

***

The next day, she once again almost made it to the end without hearing from Peeves. She knew better than to let her guard down this time. Sure enough, her present was once again found near the bath. What sort of plumbing project actually required ten plumbers, she wasn’t sure.

“We’re redoing the pipes to keep the water hotter,” one of them explained. “Our contact was very insistent that the work be finished today, so we all got to work together.”

Marietta smiled. It was actually somewhat thoughtful, as poltergeist gifts went. Perhaps her standards were slipping.

***

The eleventh day dawned with a plague of frogs. The girls’ dormitory was filled with hopping amphibians wearing crowns on their heads.

Instead of singing or croaking, the frogs all declared “Give me a kiss, I’m an enchanted prince!” as they leapt about.

Marietta assumed Hagrid was to blame and set to work getting the creatures OUT.

***

On the twelfth day, Marietta took matters into her own hands. She’d spent the eleventh day reading up on temporary poltergeist exorcisms. She enlisted the assistance of her fellow Ravenclaws, who were even more sick of all of this than she was. Eleven in all were able to help her drive Peeves away in the morning.

The only approach she could find the materials for immediately involved beating a specific rhythm on drums when the poltergeist approached. So they all got out of bed early in order to beat Peeves to the punch.

Sure enough, he streaked into the Ravenclaw common room well before it was time for them to wake up. And so the twelve of them beat out tri-pe-let one, tri-pe-let one, tri-pe-let one.

Instead of running away, Peeves glowed pink and cried out “Twelve drummers drumming! Miss Marietta IS my true love!”


End file.
